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Mayor Mel:

The Key to Toronto's Success?

Over the years, several North American cities have had occasional nude marchers -- usually loners -- in their Gay Pride parades, but only in Toronto has the local gay naked group gotten involved in a significant way. Two members of TNT!MEN marched nude in 1996, and about a dozen did so in 1997. It's been a tradition ever since -- in spite of the opposition of the local Gay Pride Committee one year (1998) and the Mayor's apparent reluctance to be associated with such an unpopular cause.

The civic leader of this wonderful town is Mayor Mel. Ah yes, Mayor Mel! The name just rolls off your tongue in alliteration: Mayor Mel. His body alone would cause a swoon in the heart of any red-blooded subscriber to Daddy Magazine -- but then there's that personality! An aw-shucks, down-home, country-bred level of common sense from the common people, combined with the gentle technique of a Machiavelli and the intelligence of Donnie and Marie Osmond (added together -- heck, throw in every member of the entire Osmond family). He's even more down-home sensible than Jessie Ventura, Governor of Minnesota, and he comes across as less weird and more kindly.

Here's an example of Mayor Mel -- the sensibly mellow, down-home politico -- in action, reacting as only "just folks" can react when confronted by the realities of gay life in a modern metropolis:

The Press, Spring 1998: Mr. Newly Elected Mayor, are you going to march in the Gay Pride Parade this June? We heard that your aides signed you up to ride along in it.

Mayor Mel: What, you mean homosexuals? There are homosexuals in this town?

TP: The annual Gay Pride parade, celebrating the Stonewall Rebellion of 1969. Homosexuals are called "gay" now. They're a politically important and very outspoken community.

MM: Well, um, sure. As long as none of them, uh, put the make on me. And as long as there isn't too much of that nudity stuff. You know, I'm not all that much into this homo thing; they seem kinda gross and disgusting to me, eh?

TP: Last year about a dozen gay men marched totally naked.

MM: Well, I don't know. If there is nudity, I might pull out of the parade the following year -- what with my meds and all. I'm an old man! I'm not used to all this homo stuff. Like I said, they seem kind of gross and disgusting to me. There might also be a problem with the parade permit; who knows?

The city -- and especially the gay community -- is thrown into a frenzy of worry about whether Mayor Mel will have a positive experience in 1998, and if there's anything that can be done to prevent those upsetting leather guys from "parading" -- literally! -- around in their slings and harnesses, and those oversexed nudists from parading around in their sandals and slogans.

• The chair of the gay community's Gay Pride Committee joins the Mayor's reelection committee (well, not really, but for all practical intents and purposes) by telling the press that nudity will not be tolerated in this year's parade, what with Mayor Mel and all.
• He also deputized the parade marshalls (well, not really, but for all practical intents and purposes) by telling them to report any nudity to the police.
• Conservative forces in orbit around the police department and/or the Gay Pride Committee circulate rumors that arrests will be made for public nudity.
• Not one but two -- TWO! -- friends of mine in Toronto write me in advance to warn me about going there to march naked (as I had in 1997). "Arrests," they say. "Conflict." "Controversy." "The Mayor." "All the newspapers..."
• Immediately upon my arrival, I am inundated by frenzied discussions about whether it's OK for the gay nudists to march nude.
• This inundation had nothing to do specifically with me; it was just in the air. Both the gay and the straight press had whipped everyone into a frenzy.

And the bottom line?

• The gay nudists march naked (some of us, anyway). The variety of extremely revealing costumes shows that no part of the body is really, truly, actually going to be censored by the Pride Committee or the police.
• The chair of the Gay Pride Committee walks with us most of the way to make sure we're not too naked -- or, if we really are naked, that we're not flaunting our nudity. Thus he demonstrates that his was really a one-man campaign.
• Every Pride Committee security person we walk past shows no disapproval -- or gives us a thumbs up.
• No marcher is arrested. (A crazy woman who got naked before the parade is, however, taken into custody.)
• Mayor Mel rides along in his limo and waves at the crowd. A couple of guys, not related to TNT, flash him during the parade.

  TP: Well, what did you think about the nudity in this year's parade?

  MM: Well, you know, I want my conservative supporters to know that I'm not too well acquainted with these homosexuals. Never have been. But I also want my liberal supporters to know that once I got to know these homos it turned out they were very nice, and not seemingly gross or disgusting as I had previously thought, eh? That way I can have it both ways and still come across as a kindly old grandfather type. This really works well for me -- at least that's what I'm told by my advisors.

  TP: And what about the nudity, eh?

  MM: Well, if there was any nudity in the parade I certainly didn't see it.

  TP: What about these photos of these nude guys walking right past you, eh?

  MM: Well, if I could actually see those photos I'd probably point out that there's only one or two of them and I'm looking in another direction. But I haven't seen those photos so I have no comment. By the way, here's a photo of me in the limo with my pets sitting on the trunk, aren't they cute? Aren't they just so wonderful?

Did Mayor Mel participate in the 1999 parade? Yes. Did the Pride Committee bar the nude marchers? No. Did the marchers march nude? Yes, some of them did.

End of story, eh? Check out TNT!MEN's coverage of the Pride parades for even more wonderful info (and stuff that's actually true!!).