Jim the Homo Handyman
How to march nearly naked
Being naked feels so wonderful and free that it's only natural that you'd want to be nude whenever you can. In particular, it's only natural that you'd want to be naked on Gay Pride Day, right? Right!
And of course, everyone around you at a Gay Pride celebration would want to see you naked, too, right? Of course they would! You have a pen is, and friends and spectators would naturally want to see it. A pen is is a wonderful, fascinating object. It swings. It hangs. It bounces. It flops back and forth. It hangs on top of those other two fascinating objects, your testicles. Sometimes it gets a bit bigger, even if you're not playing with it or thinking sexy thoughts. Under all kinds of circumstances, it's just plain interesting.
So it only makes sense that on Gay Pride Day, you'd want to show your pride in your body as well as your sexual orientation. You'd want to be naked as much as possible during the parade, before the parade, and at the Gay Pride festival after the parade. It's only natural!
But often this normal, natural desire you feel to let it all hang out is frustrated by these things called "laws" -- laws making nudity illegal. ILLEGAL! -- can you believe it? You're not harming anyone, you're not scaring the horses, you're attracting sightseers to your local tourist attractions... and still some people want to make the sight of your pen is illegal!!
One day historians will figure out how these strange laws got passed, psychiatrists will describe the oddly pathological mental illnesses shown by those who thought up these laws, and social workers will visit the families of the politicians who sign such proposals into law in order to discern what chaotic home environments might have contributed to such shameful, counterproductive behaviors and beliefs. But in the meantime you may have to settle for various coverings which will conceal all or part of your pen is from the view of the sorry specimens of humanity who are trying to get you to cover it up.
Most guys, when they cover up, aren't very imaginative. They put on skimpy underpants, or maybe a jockstrap. Aw, c'mon, guys -- you can do better than that! It isn't all that difficult, with just a little ingenuity, to cover up a LOT less and still stay legal. In fact, you can use any of a number of common household items which you probably already have lying around your living quarters. Add a little Homo Handyman ingenuity, and voilà! More naked than a jockstrap, but still street legal!
So let Jim the Homo Handyman, and Rikko his lovely assistant, show you how to cover up. You'll be able to march NEARLY naked in your local Gay Pride parade, attract almost all the attention that your beautiful pen is deserves, and raise important questions about the nature of censorship in the process. And you won't even risk getting burned by Martha's hot glue gun!
Read our suggestions in our STEP BY STEP ILLUSTRATED TOUR. It's the most fun!
If you want to skip the tour's chatty descriptions, you can CLICK ON ANY THUMBNAIL BELOW -- but then you'll miss the context of the illustration.
When you're done -- or at any point along the way -- CLICK ON ANY RIKKO ICON to find out how you can contribute modestly to the Nude Assistant Kerchief Elimination and Discouragement fund (also known as the Nubile Assistant Kock Exposure Donation fund). The N.A.K.E.D. fund is a special monetary-reimbursement program used to funnel contributions from appreciative fans (such as yourself) safely, directly, and anonymously (if you wish) to deservingly unclothed assistants (such as Rikko). By making a variety of attractive nude portraits of the model available to the general public, and by providing a convenient and inexpensive way to contribute to the model's livelihood, we can all do our part to encourage intelligent and lovely assistants worldwide to take their clothes off and participate in our excitingly distinguished naked activities. If everyone contributes just a little, just think of what we can accomplish together!
It's the most fun if you work your way through the 94 photos in this section one by one, along with the accompanying commentary (start here). But if you wish, instead you can use the index below to jump to the photo(s) of greatest interest to you. You'll jump directly to the corresponding enlargement page.
to say, none of the enlargements have any of those annoying graphics
to censor them. However, if there's an S
near the thumbnail, you have to be a member
to see the enlargement.
Copyright © 2002