Dick of the week:

Jacob is a god. It's not only the biblical name, but also his bearing and his personality. I don't mean to say that he acts stuck up, because he's quite the opposite -- he's one of the most approachable people I know. As a competition-quality bodybuilder, he's got the body of a god -- and in his personal life he has the respect of most everyone who knows him (for example, he won the "Natural Man" award at last year's GNI gathering). He's smart and good-humored and he walks around naked. Could there be anything wrong with this guy??

Well, if there is, I haven't found it. His heavenly aura probably intimidates some people -- the ones who think that a handsome guy must be full of attitude, so let's just declare that he is full of attitude and never get to know him (and circulate a sleazy rumor or two behind his back). Just to make sure that you won't make this mistake, I've interviewed Jake and photographed him and his very functional dick. I present the results below for your consideration.

CAUTION: Reading about someone so heavenly can cause dizziness, addled thinking, and sexual tension. Should you experience extraordinary levels of sexual confusion or arousal while reading, stop reading immediately, put your computer aside for awhile, and pray for the soul of Jerry Lewis or Kathie Lee Gifford. Then read your computer monitor's instruction manual to learn which of your bodily fluids might damage the special coatings on its screen; have a towel ready just in case. Apply ice in the vicinity of your genitalia if necessary. You have been warned!

So let me begin with the standard Dick of the Week question: just how big IS your dick, anyway?

Well, I never took a ruler to it, but I'd say about 5.5 on a good night.

How big around?

I have no idea.

When you jerk off, can you get your hand around it?

Yes. [He laughs.]

When you're holding it with one hand, does your thumb touch your index finger?

[He tries it out.] Yes.

How much overlap?

A little bit.

Which do you prefer: a big dick or a small dick?

[He thinks.] If that's the only choice I guess I'd say big -- but average is fine, too.

Why?

[He smiles and laughs.] Because really it's more a matter of what the person does with it than strictly inches.

What's the biggest dick you've ever had sex with?

Oh God... the damn thing must have been 11 and a half!

The smallest?

Less than 3.

Tell me about them.

The guy with the super big one -- his damn thing was scimitar shaped, and he had to grab it with both hands to straighten it out to use it. [He smiles impishly and laughs.] And I still can't believe I took the whole thing. [He chuckles so continuously it's as if he can't stop laughing.] He's a nice guy, he wanted to pursue it, but he's a heavy smoker and I found that unpleasant, so I demurred.

The other was a magnificent man, tall, about 6' 2" or 6' 3", big, broad shoulders. An enormous man with a surprisingly small dick. Didn't matter. I liked being with him, but I think he may have had a complex about it. I don't think we had more than a few dates; he kind of drifted away.

Which is easier to keep hard -- a big dick or a small dick?

I'm not aware of any difference.

What's your favorite way of USING your dick?

JO is definitely the most gratifying.

How often do you get the impression that someone is interested in you ONLY because of your dick?

Rarely, except once in awhile somebody comes out with a compliment that startles me.

Such as?

They'll say it's nice and thick, even though I don't think so.

What's the most annoying way someone comes on to you -- like in a bar or at a party?

The sneak attack, where somebody grabs at me from out of my line of sight. That's the most offensive.

If someone saw you in a bar, what would be the best line for him to use to get you interested in him?

[He smiles.] You want to get the hell out of here?

What would be the worst line?

[He shakes his head and thinks.] I've heard so many. The worst line I've ever heard was "What nationality are you? Oh, you're Jewish? Oh let me tell you this joke about this German guy with a microwave."

He wasn't joking?

I think he thought I was joking.

Are you cut or uncut?

Cut.

Which do you prefer in other men?

No preference.

What makes a dick pretty, or good-looking?

Skin tone, vascularity, fleshiness, relative straightness in the way it hangs.

Do you think you have a pretty dick?

[He looks down and scowls.] I'd say it's OK. I don't really think of it as pretty.

Is your father cut or uncut?

I would assume that my father was circumcised, but I never got a close look.

Does your father have a big dick?

It sure seemed huge to me when I caught a glimpse of it through the open bathroom door, but I was a toddler so it could just be matter of scale.

Did you ever peek through the door in ORDER to see his dick?

No.

Does your dick have a name?

No.

Has it EVER had a name, like when you were younger?

No.

Have you ever had the feeling that there is something wrong with your dick?

In my 40s I've noticed that there are better nights and worse nights, as far as functionality, but overall I'm content with the way it works.

When you're wearing clothes, do you keep your dick inside underpants?

Yes.

Boxers or briefs?

Briefs.

Does it hang to the left or to the right?

It just sort of squats in the middle.

Think of the period of time in the gym between when you're totally naked in the shower and when you're totally clothed and ready to walk out the front door. Let's say that that's 20 minutes. For how many of those 20 minutes is your dick naked and visible to other guys in the locker room?

Probably 15 of those 20 minutes. I was never one to hide behind a towel, and I took my time in the shower.

Has there ever been a period in your life of one year or more during which NO ONE other than you saw your dick?

[He furrows brow and thinks.] It's tough to answer that question. There's a period when I was celibate for about 11 and a half months, after a breakup. And the only way anyone might have seen it would have been in a gym locker room, but I'm not aware of anyone seeing it or looking at it during that period.

I'll never do the celibacy thing again!

Was that a conscious decision to be celibate? Or just happened because you didn't find a date?

During that period of grieving I was just not in the mindset to be sexual with anyone.

So this must have been a really serious relationship.

Yes. We were together about a year, and I came to understand that he cared more about the convenience and comfort that the relationship provided him, not so much about really sharing in a full-fledged relationship.

So you broke up with him?

No. It was his choice to break up, but I precipitated it by stating that I was not going to be at his beck and call, and he had to take more responsibility for himself and his needs, and he chose to leave.

What role, if any, did his dick and your dick play in this process?

None whatsoever. I think he liked my dick.

What was it that got you so attracted to him in the first place?

[He smiles.] He was built like a gymnast, he had a deep masculine voice, even though I later learned that he could act like a little princess -- not effeminate, just spoiled -- we laughed a lot together.

Good sense of humor?

[He thinks.] Sort of. It's not that he was extremely witty but he could make outrageous comments. He would often express opinions about passers-by that, although tending toward the cruel and vicious side [he laughs] could actually be pretty funny.

Before today, what was the last time someone saw your dick?

Yesterday. A sexual encounter.

When will be the next time?

Probably tomorrow. A house guest who I assume will sleep in my bed with me because he has in the past.

In high school, how often did other boys see your dick?

Every day. Well, it was exposed every day in gym class shower.

Girls?

Never, although I did start going to the nude beach immediately after graduation.

And girls in college?

Very rarely. A sexual encounter.

And men in college?

Also pretty rarely but not as rarely as girls. Nude beach or sexual encounters.

Nowadays, during an average week, how many people see your dick?

Hundreds. Because of the beach. [He smiles and nods, knowing that most of the guys around us were at the nude beach earlier that day.]

Of course, everybody knows that a lot of teenaged boys get hard at inappropriate times -- and in a way so that other people can see that they're hard. Did this ever happen to you?

I did not do it deliberately. But did it happen? Yes, occasionally I'd be sitting at my desk in class and I would hope I would not be called on to stand up.

Did anyone ever tease you or punish you when they noticed that your dick was hard?

I'm reminded of an incident which happened when I was a very little boy. My mother had given me a bath, and had left me sitting naked on a living room couch while she went to bring me fresh clothes. While she was out of the room I discovered that I could flex my sphincter, so I called out, "Hey Ma, look at this!" She came running back in a panic, thinking that I had discovered something wrong, and found me sitting there with my legs spread apart, flipping my dick up and down. [He demonstrates.] And? She just looked at me and said, get off my couch with your naked body -- go put something on! And I cracked up, because I thought that her outrage was so funny.

How old were you?

4 or 5.

Why do you think you remember this incident?

Partly because of the novelty of discovering control over a muscle that I couldn't see, partly my mothers' exaggerated outrage, and partly my guilty glee at finding such mirth in laughing behind her back at that outrage.

I like that phrase "guilty glee." I think I get it at Gatherings. How about you?

Nope. No more guilt.

When you jerk off, how do you hold your dick in your hand?

Usually with my hand cupped underneath it but occasionally I reverse grip so that my fingers are on top rather than underneath.

What motion do you use?

Steady stroking motion.

Tell me about the first time your dick ejaculated. What happened?

[He laughs.] I had been experimenting with rubbing against my mattress and noticed an intense feeling that I would hold back on till the very last minute -- until one day I lost control.

Guys I interview for Dick of the Week usually are exhibitionistic -- at least a little. Think back in your life to any times when you may have fantasized or thought about showing off your dick to someone else, on purpose. How old were you the FIRST time you had a thought or a fantasy like that?

I never thought about showing off my dick outside the context of being naked.

When did it happen the first time?

Well it started in nursery school. During nap time, after we saw the teacher nodding off, the owner's daughter would start. She'd stage whisper, "Hey, you wanna see my tushie?" And a chorus of us would answer yeah, so there'd be some rustling under the blanket, and then she'd whip it off and flash us. And then of course we'd all take our turn doing the same.

You participated?

Yes I did that a few times.

Did you get hard?

No, it was not sexual.

Have you ever danced naked?

Yes.

What does your dick do when you do that?

Nothing special. I don't tend to get spontaneous hard-ons when naked in public.

When you're dancing naked, do you think about how moving your body will move your dick? Do you do anything on purpose because of the way it's going to cause your dick to swing?

Occasionally I might throw in a few pelvic thrusts if it's in time to the music.

What do you like the most about your dick?

[He looks down, even though it's quite dark by now.] That it still works!

What do you like the most about having a dick?

Geez, strange question. It's just quintessential to being a man.

What do you like the least about your dick?

Sometimes it takes longer than it used to to get an erection, or they don't last as long as they used to. The unpredictability is probably what I don't like now. On the other hand, if I'm patient, it does rise to the occasion.

What do you like the least about having a dick?

There's nothing I don't like about it.

Has your dick ever gotten you in trouble?

[He chuckles.] Not in any direct sense.

But indirectly?

If you think of the dick as the residence of the libido, then I suppose you could say yes. It seems to me that libido is to the dick as the mind is to your brain. It's connected and yet has its own separate existence.

Tell me about that.

Last night, I was doing legitimate work online, minding my own business, and was approached by this huge 30-year-old man/boy bodybuilder. He proposed a booty call, and against my better judgment I rushed over there and stayed out until 3 AM. I played with him for far too many hours. Today I'm tired!

Anything else you want to say about dicks in general or your dick in particular?

Even though I'm consenting to this interview, I have to say that it's really not the focus of my attention. When I look at the physicality of a man, I react to the total package, especially the overall physique.

Thanks a lot!

You're welcome!

Let me see Jacob's photos.

Go back to the Dick of the Week page.