Dick of the week:

Akbar

I met Akbar at a gay naked Gathering, and immediately asked permission to take his photo. Why? Because the guy I was dating was big-time into redheads, and Akbar is about as red-headed as you can get. It didn't hurt that he was there because of his boyfriend Jeff, a sweetie-pie I had met the year before. And then Akbar turned out to be a nice guy -- so it was an easy decision to make!

So let me begin with the standard Dick of the Week question: just how big IS your dick, anyway?

I think 8.

How big around?

6?

So when you jerk off, can you get your hand around it?

Yes.

When you're holding it with one hand, does your thumb touch your index finger?

No. Just barely.

So do you lose partners who think that you're too big for them?

Doesn't apply. I've only had a few and Jeff's been... -- I came out very late -- I've been with Jeff since August of '99.

Which do you prefer in a partner: a big dick or a small dick?

No preference.

Why?

Because you can work with either.

What's the biggest dick you've ever had sex with?

Probably 8 inches.

The smallest?

Five.

Tell me more about each of those two guys.

The big guy was a personal trainer, very buff, 30, maybe 200 pounds. He was my first.

How'd you meet him?

I met him in a bar.

The small guy was an encounter at the Gathering. A little shorter than me but my build, thin, but his dick wasn't real thin, kind of thickish for a 5. That was just an encounter.

Which is easier to keep hard -- a big dick or a small dick?

Never noticed a difference. Depends on the person.

What famous person's dick would you like to see the most?

Ricky Martin.

What famous person would you most like to show YOUR dick to?

Ricky Martin.

Did you know that Jeff gave exactly the same answer to this question?

No! Bu that doesn't surprise me.

So what's this thing with Ricky?

I don't know; it's just something...!

Scientists have perfected a penis-transplant operation, and they want you to donate 2 inches of your dick for transplantation to someone less fortunate than you. How much would they have to pay you to get you to agree to the donation?

[He calculates.] 2 inches of my dick... 25%... I'd give it up for a million dollars.

Would it matter if the recipient was your brother?

[He laughs.] No. I know for a fact that they don't need it, though; apparently it runs in the family.

Would it matter if the recipient was your boyfriend?

No. I'd give it to him for free! He'll pay in other ways.

How often do guys tell you that you have a big dick?

Wen I go to PANG parties and stuff... I don't know... 6 times a year, bimonthly.

I take it that from time to time guys come on to you just because you have a big dick.

They did at the Gathering. And [because of] the red hair, for some reason, I don't know what that's about. For some reason people are attracted to the red hair.

How does that make you feel?

It's fine. It doesn't bother me one bit.

How often do you get the impression that someone is interested in you ONLY because you have a big dick?

If they are they'd never let me know that.

How old were you when you first realized that your dick was bigger than most other guys'?

Honestly, 35.

How did you find out?

Jeff. The first time that we wound up in bed together it was getting pretty hot and heavy and he reached down and touched me when I was fully erect. And -- I'll never forget this as long as I live -- he said that I was "in possession of an instrument of crime, and it wasn't registered"!

What's the most annoying way someone comes on to you -- like in a bar or at a party?

Touching before at least introducing yourself.

If someone saw you in a bar, and figured out you had a big dick, what would be the best line for him to use to get you interested in him?

[He laughs.] Lines don't work!

How come?

Because it's about attitude and behavior, not about what they say.

What would be the worst line?

Any of the standard ones, like "your sign" or the corny ones, or anything unimaginative. Something cute and funny would get my attention, but if it's the same old same old...

Are you cut or uncut?

Cut.

Which do you prefer in other men?

I have never had uncut but I wouldn't be averse to trying.

Ever thought of getting your foreskin restored?

No.

Has your dick ever docked with an uncut guy?

No... no experience.

What's your dick's favorite place to go?

Probably Jeff's mouth.

What's your dick's favorite place to go that YOU would rather it DIDN'T go?

No place.

What was the most surprising thing you discovered where you didn't think you liked something but your dick said it did?

My ass being licked.

What's your favorite way of USING your dick?

In Jeff's mouth! [He chuckles.]

What makes a dick pretty, or good-looking?

Good hygiene.

Do you think you have a pretty dick?

I guess. I've been told; I never really thought about it.

And do you use good hygiene?

Yes.

Do you think your boyfriend's dick is pretty?

[With certainty in his voice:] Yes!

Why?

Because it's attached to him and I like it; it's very manageable. Works for me!

What does your boyfriend like about yours?

He keeps mentioning its size, so I think he's impressed with that.

Has anyone ever drawn or sketched your dick?

No. Not that I know of.

Have you ever drawn or sketched your own dick?

No.

Who was the oldest person ever to see your dick other than the Gathering?

Some of the guys at PANG parties have been 80.

The youngest person?

[He thinks for awhile.] Probably 22, again at a party.

So you didn't fool around when you were a boy or anything?

No.

When was the last time your Mom saw your dick?

Oh, God... before I can remember.

Is your father cut or uncut?

I believe he's cut.

Does your father have a big dick?

I honestly couldn't tell you.

There was no casual nudity in your home?

No. Irish Catholic. Youngest of 6.

You said your brothers had big dicks.

Yes. I just know for a fact that 2 of my 3 brothers I've seen, and they are as big as I am or slightly bigger. As well as girth.

How did you see them?

My oldest brother I walked in on when I was smaller, and he's 13 years older than I am. The other brothers -- we're only 3 years apart, so it was while sharing a bathroom, running in and out, we shared a room...

Do you have any kids?

No.

Does your dick have a name?

Not that I know of.

Has it EVER had a name, like when you were younger?

No.

Have you ever had the feeling that there is something wrong with your dick?

No.

When you're wearing clothes, do you keep your dick inside underpants?

Yes.

Boxers or briefs?

Boxer briefs.

Does it hang to the left or to the right?

Usually to the right.

How do you arrange it inside briefs?

Up. It takes just a second to arrange.

Think of the period of time in the gym between when you're totally naked in the shower and when you're totally clothed and ready to walk out the front door. Let's say that that's 20 minutes. For how many of those 20 minutes is your dick naked and visible to other guys in the locker room?

Doesn't apply; I don't go to the gym.

Has there ever been a period in your life of one year or more during which NO ONE other than you saw your dick?

Yes. They would have been 1992 to 1997, when I was 27 to 32.

When is the last time someone saw your dick?

Jeff, yesterday morning, getting out of the shower. [Remember, this is a phone interview, so the Gathering is long since over.]

When will be the next time?

Probably tomorrow morning when I get out of the shower.

No shower today?

No, he went back to bed!

What's your dick doing right now?

It's just sitting there. To the right.

What's Jeff's dick doing?

I don't know; he's upstairs.

How hard are you?

Not at all.

Are you naked?

Fully clothed. It's cold!

Were you naked when the interview began?

No.

In high school, how often did other boys see your dick?

Never.

Girls?

Never.

And when you were college age?

I was engaged twice... so during those periods it would have been weekly.

So you had sex with your fiancées?

Yes.

Nowadays, during an average week, how many people see your dick?

One. Two if you count myself.

Of course, everybody knows that a lot of teenaged boys get hard at inappropriate times -- and in a way so that other people can see that they're hard. Did this ever happen to you?

No.

Did anyone ever tease you or punish you when they noticed that your dick was hard?

No.

When you jerk off, how do you hold your dick in your hand?

Right hand, thumb up, but sometimes I cross over. I turn my hand so that my thumb is down toward my balls, so I'm grabbing it over the top. Fingers wrapped around the bottom.

What motion do you use?

Up and down.

Tell me about the first time your dick ejaculated. What happened?

I don't really remember.

What's the first time you CAN remember?

Probably 13 or 14, jerking off. From then on I made sure I had tissues handy!

Why jerk off in the first place if you didn't know what would happen?

I had experienced it before, rubbing it during what was like a wet dream but it wasn't wet. So I was trying to recreate that, and eventually I guess it happened.

How many orgasms did you have before your first ejaculation?

Not very many, because I wasn't sure how to go about it. I knew I was gay but I didn't accept that, so I tried to deal with that in my own way. I woke up one morning with an erection and just went from there.

How did you know you were gay?

I didn't know I was a gay person; I just knew it was different for me. The same things that turned on other boys my age just didn't do it for me. By choosing to ignore that and just try to follow the pattern I was supposed to... hence the engagements. Then I went it alone; [that was the period during which] no one saw my dick, and then I went through a period where I wanted to live life for me, and hence the period with Jeff.

What's the shortest length of time you've ever had between two orgasms?

5 hours. I got up one morning, Jeff and I, Jeff treated me to a blowjob and later that day I jerked off.

Guys I interview for Dick of the Week usually are exhibitionistic -- at least a little. Think back in your life to any times when you may have fantasized or thought about showing off your dick to someone else, on purpose. How old were you the FIRST time you had a thought or a fantasy like that?

Thirty four, when I came out and I had my first experience.

What was the fantasy?

That was funny; it had to do with the personal trainer. First he became my personal trainer, then [some days or weeks later] we met at a bar and then we hooked up [sexually].

It's probably the best first experience that anyone ever hoped for. I was with a group of friends, and I saw him at a bar and we talked and laughed, and our two groups kind of merged together. So [at that point] I hooked up with him as a personal trainer. I scheduled twice weekly one-hour sessions, knowing full well that he was moving to Florida in 2 months. I started doing the twice weekly exercise thing, and about 2 months later we would go out socially. Then one night when we were out at a bar, he invited me back to his place. It was pretty much perfect.

What did you do?

We went into his bedroom. I was really nervous at first. He undressed to his underpants, and then mine, then we laid down on the bed and fooled around a bit kissing, and then he sucked me and then I gave him oral, and then he started plying with my ass a little bit.

Has anyone other than you ever touched your dick in a sexual way in a church?

No.

At a Boy Scout event?

No.

While you were with your parents?

No.

When you think back on your life, do you think you were a nudist your whole life, or did you only become a nudist at some particular age?

I became a nudist when I met Jeff, and he introduced me to PANG. I don't consider myself a nudist; I consider myself someone who doesn't mind being nude on occasion.

Which would you prefer: To live in a world where everyone had to be naked all the time -- men and women -- or to live in a world where you had to be naked all the time but everyone else was clothed?

Well if I gotta be naked then everyone's gotta be naked.

Which would you prefer: To have a photo published in a magazine of just your dick next to your real name, or to have an anonymous photo published showing both your dick and your face?

Oooh... [He thinks for awhile then laughs.] That's a 50-50, that's a flip of a coin! I'll take the dick with the name.

What's the most embarrassing thing your dick ever did?

Premature ejaculated. It was a chance encounter with a guy I met on the computer. He wanted me to top him and while I was thinking that I was going to be a top, I got so excited that I ejaculated even before I got the rubber on.

What has your dick done that has made you the most proud?

Oh, God... I don't know. Performed 99% of the time?

What's the most outrageously exhibitionistic thing you've ever done?

I guess the Gathering.

In your whole life, what event or situation made your dick the hardest it has ever been?

That first time with Jeff.

Tell me about the first time your dick was photographed.

At the Gathering. YOU were probably the first!

Has your dick ever been published in a magazine?

No.

On the Internet?

No.

Have you ever danced naked?

Oh, yeah.

What does your dick do when you do that?

It flops around.

That was really my first time, at that point we had had one party and that was a great icebreaker, but dancing was one of the first times -- and I love to dance anyway. I liked the feeling for the whole weekend; I feel like it was a milestone in my coming out. The parties are great and warm and accepting, but the Gathering is more intense since it's a period of days and you're living together and such.

When you're dancing naked, do you think about how moving your body will move your dick? Do you do anything on purpose because of the way it's going to cause your dick to swing?

Just don't do anything too sudden till it hurts... that's the balls, really, not the dick.

Have you ever exposed your dick in a non-visible way -- for example, by taking your bathing suit off underwater?

No.

Have you ever been naked in a bar?

No!

Have you ever been naked in public?

At the baths.

What's the largest number of people who have seen your dick all at the same time?

At the Gathering.

Tell me about the first time your dick accidentally became visible and might have been seen by someone you didn't intend to show it to.

Uh, God. I don't recall a time.

When you're at a urinal in a public place -- like an airport -- how often do you do things specifically so that other guys nearby can see your dick?

Never.

Has your dick ever been paid to do something?

No.

Has your dick ever been exposed to view against your will?

No.

What do you like the most about your dick?

I don't know! ... I guess I've come to appreciate its size.

You didn't used to?

I just thought that was average. At first I had to go by porno and of course they use the guys with the biggest dicks in those.

What do you like the most about having a dick?

You can pee anywhere!

What do you like the most about having a BIG dick?

If somebody sees it I don't mind.

What do you like the least about your dick?

There isn't anything I don't like.

What do you like the least about having a dick?

Cold weather. It goes away completely!

What do you like the least about having a big dick?

I don't find it bothersome at all.

Has your dick ever gotten you in trouble?

No.

Tell me about the one orgasm in your life of which you are most ashamed.

My brother walked in and caught me when I was 16. I was jerking off. I was sitting on my bed and I had a magazine -- Blueboy, I think.

So he noticed the magazine?

I don't think so. He never said.

Does he know you're gay?

Yes. First I came out to close friends, then met Jeff, and then I came out to the family.

How did he [the brother] react?

He turned around and walked out.

Did it ruin your erection or your orgasm?

He walked in when it was pretty much at the time when the orgasm was inevitable and it began right then and by the time he had walked out it was ended.

Where did you get the Blueboy?

At a bookstore.

[In a sarcastic tone of voice:] But you're not allowed to buy a magazine like that if you're under 18!

It was in a B. Dalton; they used to carry Blueboy.

How did it feel to buy a magazine like that "in public," so to speak?

I was nervous as all get out. I was terrified. When I got older I would go to a regular adult bookstore, which was nerve-racking the first couple of times but after that it was OK.

How long did you wait to buy the magazine?

It seemed like an eternity but it was probably about 30 minutes.

During this interview, has your dick gotten hard?

No.

Did you have any orgasms during this interview?

No.

Starting the clock at the end of this interview, how long will it be before you have an orgasm?

Probably within 12 hours.

How do you plan to get that orgasm?

I don't know. Either tonight with Jeff or with Jeff in the morning. We usually play in the morning.

Anything else you'd like to say about dicks in general or your dick in particular?

No.

Thank you very much!

You're welcome!

For a special note on this interview, see below.

Let me see Akbar and Jeff's photos.

Go back to the Dick of the Week page.

As readers may have guessed from the tone and conduct of my interviews, I used to be a clinically trained sex history interviewer doing AIDS research. This interview with Akbar demonstrates so many principles of what I consider to be good interviewing technique that I just can't resist giving you a couple of examples.

The overwhelming majority of guys I interview for Dick of the Week are guys who are "exhibitionistic" in the ordinary, man-in-the-street definition -- namely, they are guys whose sexual fantasies often include the idea of getting naked in front of other people, perhaps even in public. Not surprisingly, nearly all of the guys I interview can recall some times in childhood the early versions of these exhibitionistic-in-the-ordinary-sense fantasies.

For those of you who have clinical psychiatric training, note that this man-in-the-street definition is quite different from the DSM definitions of "exhibitionism." Most of my Dicks of the Week are not "exhibitionists" by that standard; in fact, I can think of only one Dick of the Week so far who probably is. (Homework: Can you pick out which one this is? His interview is still posted.) Since this is neither a psychiatric interview nor a psychiatric occasion, I am using the terms "exhibitionistic" and "exhibitionism" in their ordinary, non-psychiatric senses. Please keep this in mind as you read on.

Akbar seems to be different. At this point in the interview, he says:

I became a nudist when I met Jeff... I don't consider myself a nudist; I consider myself someone who doesn't mind being nude on occasion.

Is this an accurate statement? Or is he in denial?

I believe it's an accurate statement. One of the most important principles of interviewing is to ask open-ended questions, with no specific answer or set of answers suggested. At times it is permissible to make a statement -- leading into a question -- with the purpose of suggesting that a certain type of answer is OK to give.

I used this strategy at this point in the interview, in the question beginning, "Guys I interview for Dick of the Week usually...". Akbar's answer to this question is perfectly normal (pardon the expression), but it is also very educational when compared with just about everyone else's answers. If he had had fantasies even roughly similar to those experienced by my other interviewees, he would have answered this question in roughly the same way: by giving an example of a fantasy from childhood (fulfilled or unfulfilled). If he had been a "late bloomer" in the exhibitionism department he would have given a similar example from later in life.

But he doesn't. Perhaps without realizing it, Akbar gives an example of "showing off your dick to someone else, on purpose" which is not even remotely exhibitionistic. Instead, it's an example of the first time he got undressed to have what turned out to be a very pleasant, and 101% ordinary, sexual encounter with another gay man. ["We went into his bedroom. I was really nervous at first. He undressed to his underpants, and then mine..."] Most important of all, Akbar shows no awareness of the fact that his answer is so different from those of my other interviewees. He interprets the question in a way that I myself (as a gay man who likes running around with his clothes off just as much as any of the other Dicks of the Week) would never have guessed was possible -- namely, as a question about the first time that he permitted another person, on purpose, to see his dick.

Please note that I am not putting Akbar down! I am not saying that he misinterpreted the question, or that he is overly prudent, or anything like that. I'm just pointing out that his unselfconscious answer to this question validates, in an unambiguous and difficult-to-fake way, his statement that he is not "a nudist," but instead is "someone who doesn't mind being nude on occasion." His boyfriend Jeff, on the other hand, clearly is a nudist with exhibitionistic fantasies (as I am and as most of my other interviewees are). Jeff, you will recall, at 17 fantasized about being nude in front of an apartment, or masturbating near the window so that people outside might see him.

Just about every other answer Akbar gives also validates this underlying point. For example, when I ask at another point, "What's the most outrageously exhibitionistic thing you've ever done?", he replies "I guess the Gathering" -- an event he would never have attended had his boyfriend not brought him to it. Jeff, on the other hand, said he once was naked outside on his deck.

Here's a consequence of this insight which might be of use in a clinical situation -- and again, it's an illustration of the value of asking open-ended questions. Suppose that I were interviewing someone who had exhibitionistic fantasies, but who wanted to conceal that fact during the interview. When asked the question about "showing off your dick to someone else, on purpose," such a fellow would be likely (1) to think of a true answer to the question, then (2) decide he didn't want to reveal that answer, and thus (3) respond along the lines of "I've never had a fantasy like that."

This would show that he had interpreted the question in the same way that I had intended it to be interpreted, and thus inadvertently reveal that he probably did have such fantasies! Why? Because if he really had never had them then he would have "mis-" interpreted the question the way Akbar did! (Or responded in some other way unanticipated by me or you.)

Time and again during this interview, Akbar gives answers to my questions which all validate the underlying point: he's not an exhibitionist, nor a nudist, in the senses that my other interviewees are. In my interviews I am not trying to "trip up" my interviewees, test their truthfulness, or anything like that. Nevertheless, sometimes along the way such evidence turns up. In this instance, this evidence is a good "case history" of what happens when someone is unselfconsciously telling the truth.

Please let me know whether you have enjoyed this digression into interviewing techniques and would like me to write more along these lines. And thanks for reading this far!