Eduard's Story

ell me how you came to perform with Peter Thomas [a well-known gay performance artist; name has been changed].

He had come to the University of Michigan a few years previously, to offer a 2-week intensive performance art workshop. That workshop met 3 hours each day, and during the time that he was there, we developed a relationship. So we did performance work together and also spent time outside of the workshop together.

Then he was touring the second piece... Originally we did a video piece together when he was there during the first stay, which was shown at a lot of gay/lesbian film festivals across the country. That wasn't nude, but we were topless, and it was sponsored by public television, who decided not to air it because of the nudity -- two topless men, kissing.

So when he came back he needed someone to play a role in this piece, so for the Detroit run I did this piece with him.

So we worked together the week before to choreograph the dance that I would do and work out 3 different parts thoroughly of when I was onstage.

One of the interesting things about the beginning piece was... it was at a Cabaret, where there were little window displays like those department stores have along the street. As people were coming in, buying their tickets and taking their seats, Peter and I were kind of like on display. We had created kind of a bedroom piece (in some areas like window displays). As people were standing outside waiting to buy their tickets, people could see us. We were kind of like doing warmup stuff before the show, just kind of hanging out like we would normally. It was supposed to be a look inside a private space. Sometimes were we were just like lying in bed talking, sometimes kissing, sometimes stretching, doing breathing exercises and stuff, getting ready for the show.

hat happened in each of the 3 parts where you were onstage?

The initial period was part of the window scene, so the piece started when we were still in the window. The second part was a scene where Peter had been "injured." He was a carpenter in NYC and had been to the hospital and had just came back, and I played the part of the lover who had given him a ride back, and I gave him a bath; he had blood all over his arms and his chest. And so the clothes that I wore -- I think I just wore a pair of shorts on stage, and -- I'm sorry I wore a tank-top too -- I took the tank-top off and took my shorts off and ducked the tank top in the bucket of water, and basically gave him a sponge bath with my tank top. It was very much like caretaking. There was definitely a sexual part of it, but it was more like lovers taking care of each other, being sweet with each other. During that time there was just some music playing, no words, and I kissed him again then, which I think was the first time two naked gay men kissed on a Michigan stage -- we made Michigan gay theater history!

That lasted about 7 minutes, choreographed to the music, very slow, almost like slow motion, according to which body parts I was washing at the time, almost like a dream. And then I got my bucket and my shorts and t-shirt and walked -- the stage was at the same level as the audience, so I had to walk right into the audience to get to the back room, so I walked through them holding my bucket and the clothes. For me, that was the most vulnerable moment, because I felt almost like my performance was over, back to being just Eduard again, and I thought here I am naked in front of all these white Michiganders!

he third part was a dance that we had choreographed that I had worked on during the week, where he was telling the story of a dream that he had had, and there was some music also in the background, and I just did the dance as he narrated his dream. The dance was again a very slow, more symbolic piece that we had choreographed from movements we had generated -- thinking about past relationships that we had had.

When we were generating the movements, we were thinking about a very positive feeling, thinking about a very positive relationship, and created a movement that represented a positive feeling from that relationship. We did that back and forth awhile... He asked me just to improvise and pull all those together. So the ones that really stuck out in my memory seemed to be incorporated into the improv, until finally I found myself repeating a certain sequence. I can't remember what the movements were. There were some heart things, heart opening up movements, some sexual... Peter sitting down on a pen is, easing himself down -- although there were no actual objects involved... There was both partnership -- a sort of walking through life movement -- and a caretaking movement. That was not naked; I wore a pair of black Calvin Klein underwear for that part.

ooking back on it how do you feel about it now?

Very happy to like have done it. Happy to have been able to share images with the audience that they don't normally have an opportunity to see. It was a strongly gay audience and a lot came up to us and talked about how moving it was and how great it was to see two men kissing on stage and getting a sense of love between men and having that represented, and that's one of my missions in life: exposure -- not of my nudity (laughs) but of gay images, a method of education. So it was a great opportunity to get a chance to manifest some of my beliefs that way.

hat would you say those beliefs are?

Promoting images of gay men and educating people through exposure and letting them see that love between men is similar to love between any two people, and really create a sense of normalcy. In some of my own work that I've done, it's almost like making straight people jealous -- that they feel jealous that there could be a love like that. In creating it with Peter I wanted people to be like drooling, gee, I want a love like that, whether they were straight or gay or like lesbian or whatever.

id any of your friends see you dance?

Yes, quite a few. Detroit is not a huge town. I made a point not to invite my professional people from school, only people from my outside life, but there's some overlap there, like my roommates, who are also in my program at the University, but a lot of gay friends, mostly. I was involved in Performance Arts there, and the Cabaret was their main hangout, and a lot of them saw me. This "boy" I had a crush on and was debating whether to ask out, actually sat right next to me before I came out on stage.

It was weird thinking about it ahead of time, but I didn't feel uncomfortable about it afterwards at all. It's sometimes weird when I go to parties and and someone says "Oh, I saw you at the Cabaret," and I feel a bit at a disadvantage, thinking "Oh, yeah, you really saw me!". It was sold out each of the nights we did it. That's happened a lot since then.

When I was walking off stage naked I walked right by that guy I had a crush on and seeing him brought me right back into non-performer world, so that was a little weird.

hat happened between you and him?

He had a long-term boyfriend. At first I felt like I couldn't ask him out, but later saw him at the gym and got his number then, so it was OK.

When you said that you and Peter had a relationship, was that also erotic?

Yes, very much so.

ave you danced naked before or since then?

No. Not in public.

How about in private?

Yes, I dance a lot naked in my house. There is a cabin sometimes my friends and I go to up in the woods in Michigan. I dance naked outside there in the woods. One of the very first radical faerie gatherings took place at this cabin. I don't typically attend radical faerie gatherings, although I've gone to some parties and things. At one locale, the radial faeries dance naked around the fire. Some of my cabin friends have gone to those gatherings, and there were several radical faeries in the performance that I was in.

In the woods, would other people see you there?

No, I'd be just by myself.

Tell me more about your dance training.

I began professional training as a ballroom dance instructor at an Arthur Murray's Dance Studio in mid-Michigan, where I was going to college. Where I grew up in Indiana, boys weren't allowed to dance, so I danced in my room a lot with the door closed. Mostly clothed. I'd be too afraid that my mom would come in, I didn't have an impulse to do it naked.

id you dance at school discos?

The girls would dance in a big circle in the middle of the floor, and the boys would stand around watching. Only in slow dances would you be allowed to take the floor. I would break that rule sometimes and dance with the girls, but that was not well received.

So I started ballroom dancing in Michigan, which I did for four years, and taught also in Florida and in Minnesota. Then when I started Graduate school, I started taking modern and jazz classes, and also contact improvisation. Through those university connections I performed in university productions, but also made friends with other dancers and was asked on several occasions to dance with them for shows in the city.

When you dance at home, what do you do?

Modern improv, mostly. I do it a lot. I dance so much in my life. I dance in elevators and things, whenever we get a little private moment, I was dancing in here right before you came in here. It makes me feel like I'm alive.

nything else you want to say about dancing naked?

I think my best experience was in the woods. I love that feeling of my bare feet against the earth and that sense of being totally in your natural state, letting the sun bear down on you and feeling that warm up your skin and feeling the wind on your skin as you jump around and move. So it's really a very naturist sort of feeling.

It also gives me the sense of reclaiming my body and feeling happy about my body, and I've grown up a lot from some of those experiences from dancing naked. Just becoming more comfortable with who I am and feeling happy with my body. I have a lot of body shame and discomfort about my body. Dancing and dancing naked helps process it and reclaim it.

o what don't you (didn't you) like about your body?

I've always been very thin, so I've always had a skinny-boy complex. And even after I started like working out a lot and developing muscles I still had in my mind that I was very thin, and I would see people who looked big to me, and people would say that you're bigger than they are, but still I would feel like I was really tiny. It's mostly just a frail, thin, skinny complex. I'm not crazy about my skin, either, but that seems less related to what dancing does for me. Dancing made me feel really strong, and not so thin and powerless. I don't really think I connect my skin unhappiness and dancing at all.

Editor's note:

It astonished me to discover that Eduard didn't like his body! I found it very sexy, in excellent condition, and imagined that most gay men would agree. Of course, everyone can imagine improvements in their body, but it continues to amaze me that our culture has somehow managed to make everyone much more body-unaccepting and body-disliking than rationality would dictate. Think about it: Nearly every body you admire is owned by someone who dislikes the body you admire so much!

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