Welcome to the World of PhD Top

The Physical Stuff

• Note the chest hair poking out of the top of his shirt.
• He's not the hairiest guy you've ever met -- but he is one of the hairier ones.
• Hair is brown, with an occasional gray touch. Eyes are green or gray, depending upon the light and the phase of the moon. Mostly green-gray.
• He's 5' 9", waist 38", and 195 pounds (plus or minus 2) -- the rounded shape of what some consider a perfect bear. Furry buns, pretty hairy back, and so on. Facial hair varies.
• He is NOT addicted to tobacco, alcohol, or any similar substance.
• However, he is partial to the Game Show Network and "South Park" -- and to thin, smooth, youngish people with pen ises.

The Personality Stuff

And Possibly You?

• Smarter than your average bear.
• A bit of an older brother or nonconfining daddy streak runs through his psyche.
• Don't tempt him to take his clothes off -- remember, you never can tell what might happen. For better or worse, this happens fairly often. Here, for example, he's naked on a balcony during the Sydney Mardi Gras parade. Look carefully!
• Honest, dependable, stable but interested in getting excited (with you, perhaps?).
• Definitely a top -- but relax, he won't bite. Also tends to lead in two-stepping and square dancing, which is good because he makes the two of you look terrific as a couple and in teaching you starting from wherever you're at.
• Relationship oriented. Remember that the problem with life in the fast lane is that you get to the end of the road before everyone else.
• Also remember that the bedroom after good sex is like the kitchen after a gourmet meal -- it doesn't have to be messy, but (*sigh*) it usually is.

• Someone young at heart -- maybe even someone who looks young enough to get carded in bars.
• If you're 18-30, you've always found guys your own age too immature, and found masculine, furry guys quite intriguing.
• If you're over 30, there's something "young at heart" about you, or something boyish which others see in you.
• You're employed and not looking for financial support.
• The thinner the better; the smoother the better. Exceptions taken under consideration.
• Someone white, Asian, or Latino with well-functioning genitalia (any size and shape). Exceptional attention given to a foreskin.
• A bottom type is best (or at least versatile).
• Someone within an hour or two of San Diego would be excellent, but feel free to worship his fur from afar.
• Someone small enough to hug.
• Someone bright enough to care about ideas and to have a good sense of humor.

The Sex Stuff

Here's what I had with my first boyfriends: Lots of hugging and kissing, some oral sex (one was the best cocksucker I've ever met!), and an increasing interest in anal sex. Basically a "vanilla" gay sexual pattern with less anal versatility than is commonly the case among gay men. I may have been a bottom for about a month, but that passed quickly and I now loooooove to fuck.

Here's what I had with my longest-lasting boyfriend: Lots of mild dominance-related fucking. He loved getting plowed and I loved plowing. I loved using him as my masturbation toy; he loved being used. I discovered that I break out in a drenching sweat when I fuck vigorously enough; he loved that. We installed bolts and used ropes and ankle restraints to make it relaxing for him to keep his legs in the air. I discovered that my dick twitched harder when he would flinch ever so slightly from the pain/pleasure I inflicted by squeezing his nipples. This was a bit upsetting to me -- but he loved it and I got over it.

Here's as far as I'd be willing to go in that direction: Not at all, if that's what he likes. But if he does, then a sling would be nice. Maybe a bit of bondage and other stuff to emphasize how eager he is to have my dick up there inside him, seemingly showing no mercy (heh heh). Really heavy SM stuff is a theoretical possibility but I doubt I'd enjoy it; if he wanted it he'd have to work on me to change my mind. It might not work!

Here's what I had with my most recent boyfriend: He started calling me "Daddy" within two seconds of our first private hug. When I didn't complain, he said it again. And again. And again and again and again -- and soon it was about 25% of the words out of his mouth! Much to my surprise, every time he said the word, my dick got a little bit harder. We did a lot of jerking off with him calling me Daddy and me telling him he was my boy, and I really got into working and jerking his uncut dick. Later, when he overheard me telling someone that cut versus uncut doesn't matter much to me, he almost fell off his chair laughing. (I guess I went gaga over his foreskin a lot more than the other guys he'd dated.) I'd have to plead Guilty As Charged, but cut is wonderful, too! I'm cut, myself.

Here's as far as I'd be willing to go in that direction: Call me Daddy if that's a magical word for you; call me something else if it's not. Pretending to be your actual father is going too far; pretending to be someone else's actual father (someone not present during sex) would be OK because it's just a fantasy (although I've never done it). Jerking off is fun and safe, and if you don't want anal stuff involved, we can still have a great relationship.

Here's what you would have to put up with: I'm a nudist. I love doing just about anything naked. You don't have to be a nudist yourself... you just have to like the idea of a daddybear's furry body right out there in the open for you to look at any time you'd like. I travel a lot -- especially during the summer months -- and you're welcome to come with me... but if you're the worrying jealous type, you probably won't be comfortable with your daddybear running around naked with hundreds of other naked men. I'm quite capable of being monogamous (faithful to you) even when I'm far away.

So where would we end up? Anywhere between vanilla and slightly kinky. I would adjust to your pattern, and probably you would adjust to mine, right? I don't think you get along with someone sexually by comparing your checklist of turn-ons to his; you explore your effects on each other and discover the set of things that make sense for the two of you as a couple. With Mr. Longest-Lasting, I had no friggin' idea that I'd be tying his ankles in the air. With Mr. Most-Recent, I had no friggin' idea that being called "Daddy" would get me rock hard (my dick is beginning to grow right now, just from admitting that!). So with you, I have no friggin' idea what will turn out to be the key to our experience. Wanna find out?

Just how young does he have to be, anyway? Youth helps, but it's not necessary and is in some ways a pain. The three guys I was gaga over before my last steady were all my own age or even a slight bit older! This was quite a surprise to me, but a pleasant one; I had thought two of the three were 6 to 8 years younger. All three were slim, liked "bears", were smooth or only a bit furry, and had something youthful about their appearance or their demeanor (although none resembled "chicken" -- not by a long shot). The big plus was that all three were emotionally mature, too -- no lies, no wishful exaggerations of the truth, no games.

If You Just Can't Bear It Any More...

...and you want to tell him about yourself, all you have to do is... well, there is no response form any more, since he's taken. But if you're smart and insightful, you might be able to contact him at some e-mail address.

He lives in San Diego, and is mostly interested in spending time (phone, email, etc.) with others in southern California.

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Last revised: April 2007